“This week, for the first time since I was a teenager, I wished I was white. 
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The Atlanta attacks flipped a switch that made me self-conscious and hyper aware of my Asian-ness. For every person I saw, I wondered what they thought of me. No words were exchanged, no punches thrown, but my mind turned daily life into a world of paranoia where everyone was critiquing my eyes and believing that I brought covid to America. 
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I distinctly remember one day in high school, I got heated and accused my parents of limiting my opportunities because they didn’t give me an English name (I feel terribly ashamed of this now, by the way). That’s when I legally added my middle name, Hailey. I used it for a summer internship and realized it would never feel like the real me.

Despite my angry outburst, ultimately, I had faith that America wouldn’t judge me too harshly by my name. I can’t say I have that same kind of faith now, after the rise in anti-Asian attacks. 
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Why do I keep sharing these stories that most of my friends don’t even know? I believe that understanding builds empathy, and there’s no greater way to build understanding than through personal stories. I believe that fixing the root of racism begins with turning inwards to confront the biases in our own hearts and minds, then helping those that we’re close to do the same. 
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I get it if you’re not ready to publicly denounce racism on your profile, but please don’t just scroll on by. I beg you to read about what’s going on, learn about the victims, understand the role of white supremacy, AND how you fit into it all. I ask you to stand up for me and all POC when you see injustice happening, especially in the spaces where we are not. And teach your children about it too, so we can break the racist loop and kids will stop singing “Chinese ladies are so funny, this is how they count their money” nursery rhymes like they did when I was growing up. 
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Much love to you all, stay safe, and thanks for listening”