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Being black, I hid myself

It feels as though I have been hiding a side of myself for 18 years

By Anonymous I June 7, 2020

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“In a world where black women’s voices are usually overlooked and dismissed, I feel as though there has never been a better time to share my experiences as a person of colour.

Growing up in a predominately white school, church, neighborhood, etc I was never explicitly proud of being black. I saw it as a detail that divided me from my peers in times when I wanted to belong and fit in. For many years of my life, I tried to hide my African (specifically Nigerian) culture, history, and values as to not separate myself from the people I tried to blend in with. It feels as though I have been hiding a side of myself for 18 years.

I was constantly the only black person, or even person of colour in the room and with this, racially themed jokes and inappropriate uses of racial slurs have been used around me. I would brush them off and pretend I didn’t hear them. The fear of being “problematic” or “overly sensitive” prevented me from saying that these harmful words made me uncomfortable and offended. In the odd time, I would build the courage to speak up, it was not received well.

To counteract my accusations, people have responded with the overused phrase: “I don’t see colour”. This statement has never and will never sit right with me. We HAVE to see colour. We HAVE to acknowledge cultural and historical differences in order to celebrate and respect diversity. 
As some of these situations occurred in a school setting, my hope for the future is for students to learn in an environment that doesn’t try to group everyone as one.

As a new graduate, I can now look back and see that the educational system lacks the voices of minorities. Once this is addressed, it will prevent any younger POC from feeling like an outcast.

In the last few days, I have been overwhelmed by the efforts of people trying to sympathize with me and understand the pain black people experience on a daily basis.

I’m grateful for the long-overdue light that has been shed on the many issues surrounding race. Lastly, I am thankful for the people who have asked me personal questions about this topic and are willing to learn and hear my narrative of the story.”

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